Well, that’s it. Saturday is officially the last day I’m 36. And 37 seems like any other adult number, but with a list of very big, very adult-like sort of things.
Several months ago it hit me for the first time that I am getting older, or as it’s referred to, I am aging. I got my first two white hairs. Can I be honest with you? I had a little bit of a freakout. I think it seemed like the end of youth. Like a certain type of finality. But nothing has to end as we grow older. Life keeps moving and so we keep growing. There will be joys and sorrows, lessons to learn and lessons to teach and more stories to share. At least the ones I can remember.
Life is a very fluid thing. We all take our own time and our own way getting from one point to another. Some of us never see the same things as someone else. But it’s still a life, moving by, and we have only ours to live.
Maybe 36 is a mile marker I’ll remember. It was a year where I battled depression, anxiety and panic attacks. The year my son turned 4 and my best friend got married. The year I focused more on my health, what I ate and when my nutritionist, a mentor, passed away. Hardships are difficult to eradicate. The landscape changed too soon and there was a deep bend in the track. Living life in limbo. I no longer relish in the uncertainty of my life or find thrill in the unknown. I seek stability. Especially for Ishaan.
Thirty-six years and 36 lessons. Maybe this year will be like the others that haven’t seemed monumental, but when I take the time to think of what I’ve learned, it’s still been incredibly important. And the point is nothing ever really stays the same. Life is not what you always imagine it to be. Life is not always what you want it to be. But I am learning that you have to fight for the type of life you want. And speaking my mind is finally making its way into my heart.
It will all keep changing from here.
P.s. Musings at 35